Clinging to Rapture Read online

  “London.” I interrupted her. “Paris. Rome. New Zealand. Japan. You name it. I’ll take you there. Tonight. Me and you.” My palm was sweating against her elbow, but her skin felt so right against mine. I wanted to jerk her to me, but I didn’t.

  “No.” The word slipped between her teeth like it was nothing. Like she wasn’t shattering me. And that’s what she was doing. I wouldn’t have thought one word could wound me, that it could rip me apart, but it did.

  “No?”

  “Sorry,” she said.

  “But—”

  “Hey!” She smiled brightly and waved at someone behind me. That’s when he came up and looped arms with her, that fucking Poseidon douche-bag.

  “Everything okay?” The motherfucker glanced between us with uncertainty.

  She giggled, barely glancing at me. “Of course. Let’s go.” And she left just like that. Left me standing there in the crowd of other male hopefuls. All of them clambering for her, desperate for a moment of her attention. She told me no. I stood there staring after her, watching her thick ass sway beneath her dress. She told me no. No one ever told me no. Ever. I got what I wanted. Always.

  My skin was hot, my expensive suit suddenly felt too small. My body throbbed, but then I realized it wasn’t my body that was throbbing so much, it was my cock. It was raging hard in my pants, desperate to rip through the thousands of dollars worth of fabric that encased it.

  She’s a stripper and she told you no. But I didn’t seem to care and my cock definitely didn’t.

  “There you are. What do you have to do, honey? Why can’t you go home with me?” Elaine filled my vision.

  I frowned at her. “Nothing.”

  “Good, so you’ll come home? I’m feeling kind of hot after seeing that. In fact, I don’t even want to stay longer.” She leaned in, brushing her lips against my earlobe. “I just wanna go back to the hotel and fuck.”

  I should have been excited. I should have taken my girlfriend of over ten years back to the expensive hotel and fucked her with every ounce of strength I had, but I didn’t.

  “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

  “What?” She gasped.

  It wasn’t until I saw the shocked expression on her face that I realized I had spoken my thoughts out loud. “I don’t want to be with you.” It felt good to say it.

  “What the hell are you talking about, Cole?”

  A smile spread across my face; it was the first time I’d smiled in years, I was certain of it. The muscles felt tight and awkward, but I reveled in the feeling.

  “But—”

  I walked away, tuning her out. Desire burned in my veins. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but this wasn’t going to be the last time I saw the Jewel of the sea. Of that I was fucking certain.

  ONE.

  Present Day

  I was grinning like an idiot. I couldn’t help it. Cole looked every bit as handsome as the last time I’d seen him four months ago in his office. The day he told me he loved me. The same day I left and didn’t go back. But now he was here, after all this time, at my job at two-thirty in the morning.

  I didn’t expect to see him like this. With me in my red, work-issued button-up, my hair a mess, selling cigarettes, gasoline, and hot dogs to intoxicated customers. My life had gone from high-rise loft in the city to nothing short of shitty. My cracker-box apartment was enough testament to that.

  I knew I would see him again though. He had people watching me. I rarely felt them before, when he stalked me for over a year, but now I knew what to look for. They were good at hiding, but not good enough. I could feel their prying eyes on me when I left my job, when I went out with my new friends from work, even when I visited my gran. They were there, always watching. It was a comfort, really. Knowing my pathetic life still occupied his thoughts and time.

  I expected him to come to me sooner, to chase me. Silly, I know. Why would I want him to? Why would a woman want a man who was crazy enough to follow her for years, a man who bought her apartment building, her place of work, and eventually her body, without her even knowing it? I didn’t have an answer for that question. My feelings when it came to Cole went from raging hot to blisteringly cold every other minute.

  I wanted him. I hated him. I wished he would call. I wished he would die. I dreamed in fairy tales. I cried. I don’t know why I cried, but I did. A lot.

  But now he was here before me, his dark brown hair loose around his shoulders. He wore a black designer t-shirt. It clung to his rippling muscles. The tattoos on his arms flexed as he placed his hands on the counter. I read the words love and them across the knuckles on each hand. The words jumped out at me, reminding me of the times his hands had strummed against my flesh, the way those very knuckles had trailed down my skin. I shivered. My body came alive instantly, arousal coating my panties.

  “Cole,” I said breathlessly.

  He frowned and opened his mouth. The bell over the door chimed, signaling another customer had come inside, but I didn’t care. He was here and I was happy about it. As stupid as that was, I was happy, and I wasn’t going to let anything ruin that.

  “Hey honey, did you tell her the stupid pump wouldn’t take our card?”

  I blinked, barely registering the feminine voice. My lips parted as the raven-haired woman approached the counter. My gaze latched onto her—dark blue form-fitting dress, olive skin, full red lips, pearly white smile. She wrapped her hand around Cole’s bicep. Her nails were long and red. So red they seemed wrong pressed against Cole’s tattoos.

  I glanced between them, sucking in a labored breath. No. This isn’t what I think it is. It isn’t. It can’t be.

  Cole’s face remained impassive, revealing nothing.

  “Hey, I know you!” A red fingernail was thrust in my face. I took a step back, surprised.

  “You’re that chick who fucked that guy at the party we went to a couple of years ago!” The woman turned her dark eyes on Cole. “Remember, babe? She was wearing the sequins and stuff.”

  I didn’t have to see my face to know the color drained from it. A sick feeling engulfed my stomach. He’s been with her all along? All this time? The urge to vomit climbed from my belly to my chest.

  “Of course I remember, honey. I own that club now. This is Julia. She used to work there.” Cole’s voice as low and perfect as ever was so nonchalant I almost didn’t believe it was him talking. Honey?

  “That’s right! I forgot.” She tapped her nails against the counter and held out her hand to me. “It’s nice to meet you, Julia. I’m Elaine, Cole’s fiancé.” I stared at her perfect slender hand with a huge sparkling ring on it, and fought the terrible nausea in the pit of my stomach. This isn’t real. I pinched the back of my wrist. I didn’t wake up.

  Fuck this.

  I turned away and lunged for the trashcan behind the counter. The burger I’d ate hours before tasted even shittier on the way out as I threw up into the container. My stomach heaved and my eyes watered. Someone pulled my hair back, but I didn’t have time to see who. I tried to push them away with a free hand. Voices murmured behind me, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying as I continued throwing up.

  Finally it was over, after what seemed like an hour of dry heaving. I spit into the trashcan and leaned back on shaky legs, gulping air. A warm hand brushed against my shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” Cole’s voice was so close it made me jerk away from his touch, bumping into one of the many cabinets behind the counter. There was a hint of concern in his eyes and something else, something that made me want to hurl again. He looked smug. Almost as if I told you so was written all over his face.

  “You’re an asshole,” I croaked.

  His eyes darkened, a scowl covering his face. “Why, Julia, you’re only just realizing this?”

  “Here!” a woman’s voice called out. I turned and met Elaine’s gaze, still on the other side of the counter. She held out a paper towel she must’ve gotten from the bathroom. “That is jus
t disgusting. It’s on your face.” She motioned to my cheek.

  Embarrassment ate away at my insides. Why did I have to see Cole at all? I never imagined meeting him again would be like this. Him with another woman and me vomiting.

  I took the paper towel and wiped my face, sucking in a deep breath. I wanted to shout at Cole and tell him what a fucking dick he was. I wanted to scream in his face. I wanted to tell this bitch about his obsession with me, about how he was a crazy, psycho stalker, but I didn’t.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry y’all had to see that.”

  Cole stepped back around the counter. I didn’t look at him as I tossed the paper towel in the trash.

  “What pump was giving you problems?” I continued as if nothing had happened. “You can pay for it in here.”

  “Pump four,” Elaine said. “You should really get that fixed. It’s bullshit to waste time coming in here, especially when the employees are sick.”

  I ignored her comment. “How much would you like to put on pump four?” I kept my eyes trained on the cash register. Cole stood directly behind it. His big body was blurry in my side vision, which was how I wanted to keep it. My eyes were hot, tears building behind them. I won’t do this in front of them. I won’t.

  Several seconds passed in silence.

  “Tell her, honey,” the other woman said.

  I risked a glance up at Cole then, and wished I hadn’t. He was staring down at me with his lips parted, like he didn’t know what to say. He had a few days’ growth of a beard on his angular jaw that made him look so handsome it hurt, literally hurt, to look at him. His face was empty of emotion, but he seemed to be scanning me, looking for something. I tried to imagine what he saw as he stared down at me, how I must look to him with my aqua hair up in a messy ponytail, after vomiting everywhere. My half-assed makeup job was probably smeared across my face and I knew my roots were showing. I needed to re-dye my hair.

  He stood there next to this flawless dark-haired beauty with perfect makeup and the smallest most petite body I’d ever seen. Why did he even stalk me all those years? Why bother when he had a woman like this?

  “Fifty.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He tossed a black credit card on the counter. Not handing it to me, a maneuver that was surely done on purpose. I picked it up and swiped it in the little machine.

  “This place doesn’t have a machine where we can swipe it ourselves? That seems pretty unsafe to let employees handle the card directly,” Elaine scoffed.

  Rage tore through me. Who the fuck did this woman think she was? To come in here draped across Cole, my Cole, and insult me repeatedly. I tossed the card back on the counter and leveled my eyes at her. “I don’t know why we don’t have a stupid fucking machine you can swipe your card through and I honestly don’t care.”

  Elaine gasped, opening her mouth to say something, but I didn’t give her the chance.

  “I also don’t know why you’re in here insulting me and acting like a bitch, but you’re welcome to go back out to your car and shut the fuck up.” I jerked the receipt off the printer next to the register and thrust it in Cole’s face. “And you’re welcome to join her.”

  “How dare you, you little bitch! I’ll get you fired for that! Is that any way to treat your former boss?” Elaine put her hands on her hips, her chest heaving. “Oh, wait. You were fired, weren’t you? That’s why you’re acting like a cunt.”

  The immature, jealous person inside me wanted to grab the closest glass bottle and hurl it at the bitch’s head, but I didn’t. Somehow I withheld the urge and turned to face Cole, whose eyebrows were raised, amusement spreading across his face.

  You thinks this is funny? I remember when you smashed faces to defend my honor. The thought stung my insides and I pushed it away immediately.

  I forced myself to smile, but I knew my eyes were shooting daggers. “Have a nice night.”

  I didn’t hold his gaze, but turned around and grabbed the sack out of the can.

  “That bitch did not just dismiss me!” Elaine yelled behind me.

  I didn’t turn around, but I heard Cole’s voice murmuring to her. It was too quiet though and I couldn’t hear what he was saying. Probably whispering sweet-nothings. Nausea inflated my stomach again. No. No more throwing up. I fought the sickness in my belly and headed through the employees only door behind the counter. I was going to take the sack outside and throw it in the dumpster, but I never made it. The tears started falling when I got halfway down the hallway and by the time I reached the door that led out back I was full-on sobbing.

  I dropped the sack at my feet and slid down the paint-chipped metal door. The fluorescent light flickered overhead as the tears fell down my face; I slobbered and blubbered like a baby on the grimy tile floor.

  The image of Elaine’s hand wrapped around his arm hovered in my mind. The sparkling rock on her finger. My heart, the stupid organ, ached in my chest. What is wrong with me? Why does this hurt so bad? I pressed my hand against it, hoping to stop the pain.

  He said he loved me. But he had her all along.

  And there it was. That’s why it hurt. I, like the fool I was, believed that the man who had stalked me, controlled my life behind my back for the last two years, was capable of real love. When he spoke those words, I believed them. I fucking believed them and now I was utterly crushed.

  Pathetic.

  “You okay, Julia?” A voice said sometime later. I looked up and met gazes with Rick, the middle-aged morning shift guy.

  I nodded and rubbed my face. I looked back up at him quickly. “Oh my gosh what time is it?”

  “Four.” He frowned and ran a hand through his graying hair.

  Holy shit, I’ve been sitting back here for over an hour, wallowing.

  I clambered to my feet. “Is everything okay up front?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

  I shook my head. “No reason.” I turned and headed for the locker room to grab my purse.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  My head was pounding from the last hour of crying. I didn’t answer him.

  I’m just gonna go home and go to bed. Sleep makes everything better. But the thought of going back to my seedy apartment and crawling into bed by myself was the most depressing thought I’d had all night.

  I jerked my phone out of my pocket and dialed a number I’d recently learned by heart. Home was the last place I was going tonight.

  TWO.

  I slipped the tiny sequin black skirt over my thighs after I tossed my jeans in the backseat. I grabbed my black heels out of the floorboard and shoved my feet into them miraculously without banging my knees on the steering wheel. I stepped out of the car and adjusted the black bandeau that wrapped around my breasts.

  I always made it a habit to keep something cute in the car just in case plans ever came up and I didn’t want to run back home. I’d even brushed my teeth with a miniature toothbrush I kept in the glove box. I smoothed my hands over the high-waisted skirt and looked up at the neon sign on the building before me. The word Ecstasy glowed brightly. I’d started coming to this club about a month ago. One of my coworkers, Mandi, came here a lot with her friends and had started inviting me along.

  My heels clicked on the concrete as I approached the two-story building. I could feel the thrum of the music vibrating the ground. Ecstasy was one of the few places in town that stayed open past two in the morning. How they managed to continue serving alcohol after hours was beyond my knowledge, but on nights like tonight, I was thankful for it. Especially since I knew I was being watched. Cole still had someone following me.

  Drink it up, asshole. I flashed my middle finger to the parking lot.

  The bouncer nodded when I approached, and he opened the door for me. A hot blast of thick air pressed against my skin as I stepped inside, making me shiver. People were everywhere, lit by the subtle cerulean lights. Many waited in line at the bar, some leaned against clear tables that glowed with azur
e light. Most were on the dance floor though, grinding against each other over a glass floor with flashing multi-colored lights. Sticky, sweating bodies moved to the fast-paced beat. Yes! That’s just what I need.

  I hurried to the bar and ordered three shots of vodka. Tonight, I wasn’t playing around.

  “Hey, Julia! You came!”

  I turned away from the bar to see Mandi standing next to me, her black hair pulled back in a ponytail, exposing her gauged ears. Colorful tattoos covered her neck and a curved silver barbell dangled from her septum. I gave her a weak smile.

  “What’s the matter?” she shouted over the music and leaned in closer.

  I shook my head and glanced at the bartender who placed the shots on the bar. I pulled money out of my clutch, but he shook his head and winked at me. I bit my lip and sized him up. He was cute, I supposed, with big thick muscles but he wasn’t as tall or as lean as Cole.

  Seriously, Julia? Gonna compare every man on the planet to that asshole? I grabbed a shot and slammed it back. It burned like hell on the way down, setting my insides on fire.

  “Damn girl, bad day?” Mandi’s eyes widened.

  “You have no idea.” I picked up another shot and glanced back at Mandi. “You want that one?”

  “No, I think you should take it.” She held up a glass of clear liquid. “I’ve got my Vodka 7 right here.”

  I nodded and took the next shot, wishing I had a lemon to bite down on.

  “You should tell me what made your day so shitty.”

  It had been a long time since I’d really had a friend. Well, it seemed like forever. My best friend Vic had been gone for almost six months. I still talked to him some, but it wasn’t the same. Especially after everything that happened with Cole four months ago. The phone calls to Vic were less frequent until they became almost non-existent. I couldn’t really say why. I loved him, he was my best friend in the whole world, but I just didn’t know what to say to him anymore.

  I think it was safe to say I definitely hit that disgusting, dirty rock bottom everyone talked about. My best friend had moved away because of Cole. The reality of that had only been the icing on the cake of all the other fucked up shit Cole had done when it came to messing with my life. He had given Vic and his boyfriend Chris the money to move to New York like they’d always dreamed. They had been saving for years and Cole was the one who made them leave. He took my best friend away from me.